that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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