If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
