More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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