I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
