Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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