she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
