If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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