she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
