it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
