listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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