He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize