need another drink. this is the easiest way
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We are all done wearing pants today
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
