dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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