They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
