oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
