He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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