wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize