If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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