Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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