yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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