Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
