Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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