all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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