never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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