summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
