Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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