Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
