You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
