im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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