DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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