U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
