Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
