First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
