It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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