He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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