I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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