My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My ass is underappreciated
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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