best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
