just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize