Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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