At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
