My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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