i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
