How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
