Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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