If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
