walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
