I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
