Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My ATM looks so different sober.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
