I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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