so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
