So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize