There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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