Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
