I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
