WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
