i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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