You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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