heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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