it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
