my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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