im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think my vagina is haunted
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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